can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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