He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
