in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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