I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
