im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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