Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize