The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
