Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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