Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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