Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize