Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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