I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
