its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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