I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
