You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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