Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
