Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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