apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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