Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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