we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
