My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
