apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize