Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We named our party play list daddy issues
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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