the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize