i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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