Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
