You're so nebulous sometimes
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
