In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
