your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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