11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
