Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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