I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
