We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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