Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
