i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize