glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
