I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
