If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
