Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
