He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
