Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
