Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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