Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
