it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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