I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
