Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
