the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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