tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
