His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
