So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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