We won't sleep together?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
