i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
