Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I love having hate sex.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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