why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
