After last night, I could never be a politician.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
