so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
