just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
