I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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