Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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