I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize