Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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