Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
