I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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