Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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