Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
