Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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